| Rizzo In a Box
I'm always around you to show that I care but I don't know what for.
It seems to me that you couldn't care less so I'm not going to do it anymore.
I see no reason why I've placed such a value on you,
but my thoughts have changed now, I've opened my eyes and now I'm through.
Lookin' back at my short life, the few pleasures that I've found,
all your misconceptions pummel me into the ground.
Now, I look at your small life and it doesn't mean a bit.
I pick myself up off the ground 'cause I don't give a shit.
They say all good things come to an end, I wish this didn't apply.
You were once someone I called my friend but that's all now changed and I don't know why.
Things are very different now.
You've got nothing to say.
It' s sad when someone you know very well decides to fuckin' die and go away.
Lookin' back at my short life, the few pleasures that I've found,
all your misconceptions pummel me into the ground.
Now, I look at your small life and it doesn't mean a bit.
I pick myself up off the ground 'cause I don't give a shit.
Now, I look at your small life and it doesn't mean a bit.
I pick myself up off the ground 'cause I don't give a shit! | >Caring, for What it's Worth<
*THIS IS VERY LONG!*
I've been feeling and acting terrible lately. And frankly I'm beginning to stop careing. This first year of high school had its ups and downs. More downs than ups. Some things started out really good, but like always they end up crappy and fucked up. Usually my fault or something happens and it pisses me off and then it screws with me. So it was a crap week and so forth. Summers coming up and I can't wait. Away from school, the people whom I hate the most, those fucking assholes who judge me every god-damn day, and everything else I didn't mention.
I feel as I'm just a replacement friend alot of the times. You know, when someone else isn't around they come to me. I'm not certain or anything, it just feels that way alot. I'll be trying to talk to somebody, then their other, better, friend shows up, and I'm just yesterdays garbage. Sometimes it's understandable, but when it happens alot it just hurts after awhile. So, afterwards I'll be sad and all that stuff. And I just think to myself, "screw them, I don't need 'em...", of course I don't mean that. It's just something I tell myself when I'm sad or angry with someone.
Whenever I'm upset, I chew gum. Always. Thats the only reason I go through a pack of seventeen sticks in less than a day. My friend, B-ron, is not pleased with this. He says I have a problem. And that I should deal with them, before they get worse. I really don't want to...I should...
I write alot,usually when I'm chewing gum. Some people want to read it, I never let them. I'm always afraid that they'll think it's about them, or it's creepy, or just stupid. When they do think it's about them they assume that I hate the or I'm in love with them. then they don't want to talk to me anymore. The other day, I let this guy read one of my songs. And all he could say was, "Are you sure you're not on drugs?" I found this kind of insualting. I was considering coming out of my little shell, but after this, I never wanted to again.
I've always just listened. I'm getting a little tired of hearing about other peoples problems. It's always the same every damn week. It's just not working for me.I'm not saying that my problems are any more important, or redundant. My problems are the same every day. So don't say stupid things about how pissed of I made you by saying this.
I thought I knew what it was I was looking for right now. I thought I had it all in perspective. I was wrong. The last two times I thought I had found it, I was way off. So, I just gave up trying and hope is no longer an issue. I figure I'll just sink back into the life of video games and trading card nerdness. Yeah...thats my life, how it used to be. Before all of this happened.
Suicide has always been an option for me. Not because I'm depressed, or angry, or anything stupid like that. I'm just tired of this life I'm leading. It's not how I invisioned it would be. But, the again who ever said it would be? You can't plan out your life and it just bugs me. If I could, I would die, come back, and change everything. I would have knowledge of my past life, and I would be able to use it to my advantage.
About a year ago, there was someone really special to me. We had been good friends for more than nine years. I started having feelings for her after about six of those years. And I told her this three years after I originally felt that way. She wasn't happy that I waited so long to say something. So, it was a little awkward a few weeks after that. Then we started talking again, and it was great, even better than before. We saw eachouther a few times over the summer, and and went out a few times early this school year. It wasn't serious, just as friends. Every time I saw her, I liked her more and more. then something happened, it was both a blessing and a mistake. Because of this, I stopped seeing her. Without warning I just never went to visit her again. I hate myself for that. It's too late to to apologize, she has already moved on with her life. She wasn't the type sit around and wait.
I don't think I have any thing else to say, I've told you most everything. If you read every word, line, and paragraph; then you've listened to me. That means alot. And I''m sorry to every one that I've hurt recently,( you know who you may be), from the bottom of my worthless heart I am sorry. I don't think I'm going to update for a very, very long time....if not the last. So, I say good-bye and good-day. So, leave the comments and let them ring with your joy...
"If tomorrow was today, why would I say "I'll see you tomorrow", If I don't even want to see you now?" |
